pauline

the carrie diaries

"love is something we wait for
we imagine our first kiss, our first sex, our first I love you
but we never imagine our first heartbreak
maybe because it's to painful to even imagine
but in a way the pain of love is what truly changes us
it's the losing of love that makes us who we are
the loss of a parent, of your virginity,
of who you thought you might be
of your innocence,

those losses are perhaps our first steps into adulthood
life gets more complicated
but it's also filled with promise
and the possibilitys of opening your heart to new beginings
and new dreams, new places,
the city was no longer a fantacy
it was real.
i knew now that I wasn't serching for something or somebody here
i was searching for me
who i was, who i ataned to be,

finding my voice wasn't gonna be easy
but for the first time , in a long time
I thought it might be fun."